While I Am in Tollewood, The Kid is in L.A.
I am talking this time about the Other Kid, my son, the soon-to-be twenty-three-year-old. He is in his last year of college, like his younger sister, due to numerous twists and turns in his college career (read “transfer student” in this). Yep, one week into the school year, he arranged to head from the Land of Cheese to the Faux Land of Cheese to examine his dreams. This child has always been hellbound to move to California. Sadly, when we took him to southern California when he was a teenager, he seemed to fit in perfectly. He jived with the vibe, and he fit the look. California dreaming took root deeply in him and never let go. Now he is a computer programmer who builds amazing websites and apps–neither of which use skills acquired in college. He has questioned for years why he is racking up thousands of dollars in loans when he learns everything he uses to make a living (yeah, he’s been living quite well on this) from books and online resources. So now, while he can still get a full refund on his costs for his senior year, he is diving back into the California dream…
(Interruption: Any advice on how to reduce that wrenching feeling in my gut of having each of my two children on different coasts? It really, really hurts, and if it becomes permanent…? Ugh. Tolle will be put to the test!)
That is the truth of the computer world–I’m still hoping to get a piece of that pie somehow. There is a lot of money to be made in e-anything, a world driven by the young. Many college professors are waaaay outdated in this department. (My only hope is that The Kid will hire me to edit!) Most other college students benefit from their degrees, and so do we. For example, I will never use a surgeon who learned everything from Stanford videos on YouTube.
Even though I know this, and I KNOW I was raised in the tail end of the era when College Degree = Good Job (ha ha ha ha ha that one gets me every time! gotta admit that psych degree served me well as a mommy and head puppy trainer…), I am quite willing to admit that times have changed. In any case, I want my son to finish college.
Sometimes in life, it’s a question of what would be best for you to grow. As I see it, he has only eight months to finish a huge endeavor (I’m tempted to use Pooh punctuation here and call it a Huge Endeavor), and then he can feel free to never look back and never mention it again. He need not give the school any credit for his success, but he can finish what he began.
And as I was walking the pup tonight, simultaneously trying to revive the art of deep thinking, I realized that what would be best for my character, my rebuilding, is to take a chance + have faith in myself.
rebuildingholly 
While I completely understand you wanting him to finish his degree, the best gift you can give him is your support while he steps out to pursue his dream. He will not live with “I wish I had of..” My children are scattering too and it is hard..Hugs to you and good thoughts always!!
I appreciate your advice, and I totally agree–I will support his choice, no matter what it is. He’s had a tendency not to finish things he’s started (the unwritten part of the story), but he also has a gift for recognizing a bad deal when he sees it–and he doesn’t like to waste his time. Paths are just paths, neither good nor bad, and none are really permanent. I will stand by my children no matter where their paths lead. (And I’ll be happy if they lead to good vacation spots 🙂 ) Take care! Hugs back at you!
Isn’t it humbling, and perhaps a bit frustrating, to see your child embrace that freedom, to recognize it and cherish it? I never managed to see the choices and freedoms until it was too late. Was I blind? Scared? Brainwashed? I don’t know. I can, however, resolve to begin to do so now, as you so beautifully put it.
Thanks, Terri. It’s funny–that’s similar to what my dad told me. He said to be proud and happy that your children are confident enough to test their wings, and know that they will always come back to you. (He’s had practice with this; for a while he had one kid in Oregon, one in North Carolina, and me in Wisconsin.) I managed to leave Illinois, but I took the path that was the Great White Hope of the early 80s: get a college degree and get a good job. Hmmm…For independent, creative me, that was sort of a cop out. Oh well, I’m not done yet!!!