What Bubbles Up

What bubbles up from the gray stays up from the gray.  Not the same what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but…well, lemme explain.  I mentioned a couple months ago that I was going through a gray period in my life.  I’d grown tired of my seemingly endless plans and dreams to change my life for the better–decided to let it all go for a while and be the Buddha-mama of nonstriving.  That’s hard!  I’ve got this optimistic vibe inside that always wants to bust out, but I just don’t want it to be defeated any more.  I don’t want it to waste its energy or mine.  So I took several deep breaths and tried to let it ride…

However, several things kept resurfacing from the depths of the gray.   They are the usual three culprits:

(1)    I still want to do something good in the world.  Not striving for fame here, no expectation of fortune, simply a desire to (as a first possibility) help this town that has so much potential.

(2)    I’m not me if I don’t attend to certain parts of myself on a regular basis.  I’m cranky, unsettled, and humorless if I don’t exercise, get out in nature, and mostly if I don’t let my creative side romp, mostly by painting (sometimes drawing) and writing.

(3)    My job is not so bad (also not so good, especially for the pay; working with words doesn’t exactly make for living high on the hog), and my corporation is very good, but I feel like such a poor fit for a corporation.  Meetings cut deeply into the production that’s expected, which is frustrating and self-defeating.  The chain of privilege goes against my democratic sense of fairness and honesty.  AND I’m unlikely to have time to deal with numbers 1 and 2 if I don’t adjust this corporate schedule somehow.  I’m pondering how to deal with that one, and I need to be creative and bold.

So I guess my ambition isn’t dead yet!  What bubbles up from the gray, stays up from the gray.

My deepest apologies to those of you who have been reading for a while.  These topics are a rerun.  This is clearly for my benefit and part of the rebuilding business.  There are much better topics on the horizon.

Maya is whining at me, telling me to get my a** out of the chair and my head out of the words.  I’m heading off into the icy slush for her morning walk.  Believe it or not, no matter what the weather, I always find myself thanking God for these morning walks.  They are one of the best parts of the day!  It took a puppy to teach me it’s good to get outside every morning.

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~ by rebuildingholly on February 11, 2013.

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