Now Here’s the Weird Thing…

It’s working.

Some may question whether the unexamined life is worth living or if it’s just a pain in the a**, but I say it’s a little of both.  And if you are a bit off your right path or misplaced in life, examining is something that must be done.  Then all that examination has to be shifted into action in real life.

examine this closely…

There was a small shift in my life yesterday.   I didn’t wake up wanting to conquer my to-do list in a BIG way, but wanting to get a few pressing things done and then get back to playing with paint.  I even hooked up the Maya rig (a leash around my waist) and took the mighty Maya on a run—that pup ran (OK, she trotted while I ran) a 5K distance yesterday and was left wanting more.   That pup is a beast!  Then I went with the flow and helped my husband when he needed me to lend some of my suspicious expertise with spray paint to his chainsaw carvings.  Some of you cooler types may actually live this way all the time (doing the things that matter most to you), but for tightly wound types like me, it was…a shift.  I’ve been shopping for a better attitude—guess I’m trying one on for size.

(A quote from C.S. Lewis’s The Screwtape Letters comes to mind here–duh!  How had I forgotten this?!!  Basically, a senior devil informs a junior devil that many people arrive at their graves to utter “I now see that I spent most of my life in doing neither what I ought nor what I liked.”)

However, I still struggled a bit with Monday morning attitude while driving to work today.  It probably had something to do with having three useless meetings today…THREE!  One was even a meeting about an upcoming meeting.  Sheesh.  Most of our meetings are a symptom of Qorporation Disease.   They are tense and serve little purpose besides being an arena for power struggles.  I need painkillers (really) to deal with one meeting.  I was chomping Excedrin after three.

However, on my morning walk, the wind reminded me of a few things, and I reconsidered them on the drive.  First, I am not in control of my life, and I never was.  It’s  best to do what my heart tells me to do (at this point, that means to keep finding my joy in paint like I did when I was a kid; surprisingly, my current project combines my love of anthropology and archaeology with art, and I promise I’ll share it with you if it turns out presentable).   Like it or not, I am where I am at the Qorporation to learn something, so I’d better learn it…whatever it is (a decidedly Zen bent to that idea, right?).  And last of all, I have to have faith in the path I’m on, that it’s leading somewhere, and that it in the end, it will all be worth the effort.

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~ by rebuildingholly on November 6, 2012.

2 Responses to “Now Here’s the Weird Thing…”

  1. Hard to sum my comment up in a brief nugget, but wow, you are in my head. Love this post and what it says. This is what I am trying to do as well.

    • Thank you. There is hope! It’s way too easy to lose ourselves along the way as we go through life, but a little painful introspection can help the recovery effort. I’ve made a ton of personal progress lately, but I’m still stuck on this career path thing…

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