90 Degrees Can Feel Pretty Chilly Sometimes

I’ve been concerned lately about a hurt in a deep, dark part of my body —just an old issue, I believe, that decided to return for a visit.  It’s time to visit the doctor, and it probably has been for a couple weeks, but this is just one of those issues that a person can’t discuss openly on the phone when surrounded by the tomblike silence of my workplace.  “HEY EVERYBODY, LISTEN CLOSELY AND FIND OUT WHAT NASTY THINGS ARE GOING ON INSIDE MY BOD!!!  AND THEN JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN’T HEAR A THING, OK?  COVER YOUR SNICKERING AND LOWER YOUR EYES, PLEASE!”  Even with a greater than 90% certainty that this issue is simply annoying, not harmful, it’s strange how my thoughts turn deep and dark.

First is the daughter.  Hell, I miss her terribly!  She’s twenty, and this is the first summer she hasn’t come home from college.  A good job and summer classes sealed that deal.  She was the one who shared my love of cooking and rode bikes with me every single night of the summer, who went on our oddball shopping trips (which involved finding bargains at the Abercrombie and Hollister outlets, stopping at the bratwurst emporium for some frozen fatty goodness for later consumption, compulsory tiramisu splitting, and loading up on sweatshirts and T-shirts at the Jansport company outlet), and watching old Disney movies and chick flicks.  I’m long overdue for all the above, yet I know (barring catastrophe), her visits will be only temporary from now on.  In some ways, I dread her visits because when she comes home again, I’ll be broken when she leaves.  Dammit.  And to think many of us do this to our parents.  What is the matter with people, anyway?

However, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I have always refused to guilt (that’s a verb) my children into staying in their jobless hometown just to waste away tending their mother’s sensitivity and fragility.  (FYI My daughter is unaware of this blog.)  I would feel far worse inflicting that fate upon them.  My goal was to expose my children to many things and let them find their way in the world, and I’m sticking with that.  My goal now must be to become extremely wealthy (ha ha ha ha oh, the futility of that one!) or have a more portable job so I can haunt my kids no matter where they land.  Add that to my pile of motivators.  My daughter informed me today that she has a very strong job opportunity in Los Angeles, after which I informed her that her brother would be sleeping on her floor if she moves there, because his lease will be up at the time she would go, and the West Coast is his goal as well.  I hope she waves as she flies over the Midwest.  So she may move to yet another of the sad Cheeseless States…

Other bits-o’darkness, which are actually quite liberating:  (1) In light of the exodus of the children, I can’t get my new pup soon enough!  I think we’ll pick up little Maya on July 6th, which will be the right scheduling for my husband and I to get her into a decent training schedule.  I’ve been listening to so much Cesar Millan (the Dog Whisperer) that I hear his voice in my sleep—“have calm, assertive energy.”  (2) I’ve also tossed onto the pile of motivators the realization that my current job is good, but it doesn’t offer the opportunities I crave.  That about sums up the whole situation.  It’s more me than them.  (3) I often question if I will ever have enough free time in my life to be truly happy, regardless of my occupation.  (4) I’ve given up on my vegetable garden.  The debris—peas and beans nibbled down to stubs, pepper stalks with mini leaves, numerous alien weeds—will be pulled up within the hour.  I’ve fed every creature imaginable.  Three rabbits were inside the garden fence yesterday, the deer nibble the rest from the top down, and earwigs are making the marigolds vanish little by little at night (they are the nastiest little culprits!).  Our favorite is Castro the squirrel.  Well, I’m not actually into naming wildlife, but if I were to name him, it would be something Cuban.  The little beast pulls leaves off my buttercup squash plants, spins them (squirrels are nervous creatures), rolls them up, and eats them.  I’ve never seen anything quite like it, but squirrels are probably the most well-adapted creatures in human society ever—that is for not being domesticated.  Anyway, he manages to eat two huge leaves at a time before running off, no doubt to empty his bowels ASAP.  The squash plant is surviving the squirrel’s leaf obsession, so it will stay, but I’m replacing the rest of the stubs with tomatoes and herbs.  Maya can enjoy the smell of the herbs when she has to be in the kennel, and I will be the Salsa Queen come fall!

Here is the squirrel, stuffing his face with squash leaves:

what can this possibly be doing to his insides?!!


~ by rebuildingholly on June 28, 2012.

2 Responses to “90 Degrees Can Feel Pretty Chilly Sometimes”

  1. New to your blog, but loving it…lol!
    Squirrel! Last week I went out to gather a nice salad of leaf lettuce that was finally coming into its own…only to discover a squirrel had also decided it was “just right”. Or a chipmunk…something small enough to tramp all over what they didn’t eat (it’s a container garden).

    • Thank you! I’d blame the squirrels for the lettuce harvesting, myself. I watched one eat a gazania flower yesterday, and my brother has told me how squirrels in his Illinois neighborhood gnaw on jack-o’lanterns and eat tulips. Cheeky little beasts!

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