The Week of Slacking Dangerously

This will be my next home…ah…on Lake Superior, near the Porcupine Mountains…

Or maybe my week in the U.P. ended up not so dangerously.  I think that’s it.  It just started with the usual headaches.  All I know is that the harder I tried to happily rid my mind of pondering my life situation, the harder the whole mess intruded into my thoughts, so I gave it some digital space in the laptop…

The advantages of working at my qorporation are:
1.  The 5K–they (we) do it well, it’s for a great cause, and it’s dedicated to those coworkers we lost way too early to cancer.
2.  I have met lots of nice people there.  Although there is an undercurrent of distress in my department, I love most of my coworkers, and I know some people who fit into the qorp well and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.  Too bad I’m so flippin’ independent.
3.  It’s a pretty place, and they have an outpost of the local coffee shop.  The latter is a good gesture, but unfortunately the coffee shop changed hands and the new owner weakened his coffee to the point that…it sucks.  I prefer my Folgers coffee singles, hands-down.
4.  It has nice perks, such as employee trips to ballparks, the screamin’ 401K deal (I’ll have a hard time making up that money independently), and reasonable insurance in case I should need it in the future (but I don’t now!). 🙂
5.  The work is steady, therefore the paycheck is reliable.  It’s just small.

The disadvantages of the qorp situation are:
1.  The future looks extremely bleak.  I’ve made peace with my present supervisor (and I have a strong sense that she can’t wait to retire), but our two department frontrunners are a person who lives to “baffle with bulls**t” (SORRY!  He is “communicatively disabled,” I believe, as it’s impossible for him to use an understandable vocabulary), has difficulty following rules and standards, and has been known to throw around the innuendo too freely, and next is the person who seems to deal very distantly with the underlings, and who expresses finding little value in retaining them or paying them adequately.  I know this person quite well, and there seems to be an inner chilliness there frightens me sometimes…I just don’t know if a future with the latter would be good or bad.  The current occupant is a known entity, and she’s turned out quite well.
2.  The formalized system of dealing with people known as “management.”  I concede that it must exist as a necessary evil when dealing with a large group of employees, but it entails a feeding chain of privilege, even of knowledge and information, which goes against my grain.  It creates a hunger for power that makes people competitive in the wrong ways, leading to secrecy and backstabbing.  With a system of managing people (like a dog manages sheep), tremendous care must be taken in presenting an image.  Managers must be cautious in how the company is presented to others, even to employees of lower status/trophic levels in the food chain.  I’m way too open a book to behave like this.  Even though I am cautious in choosing my words, it just does not suit me.  I’m probably a better fit for a situation with fewer people.  Maybe one with even just me.
3.  I am selling myself short now that I’ve proven to myself what I can do, particularly in my grades and feedback on the last college excursion.  I just don’t think the qorp offers the kind of environment or opportunities that will let me thrive.

So after this last, and I mean LAST blitz of my brain of the same ol’ bit of circular thinking, my mind returned to the book CrazyBusy again.  There is simply not enough time in life to do everything I want to do; I must pick and choose.  Taking college classes ran me ragged–though I gave it my best and succeeded (I run well on adrenaline, but it’s not good to do that forever, and I’ve done it for far too long).  The college route is out unless I can free up some time to dive back into the wellness field again.  I’m turning my efforts to some freelance work to see where that leads.  The benefit of having a low salary is that it’s fairly easy to replace.

Regarding life overall, my final answer is this: a person’s life should resemble, in time usage, the facets of a person’s personality.  I believe Max Lucado also compared a person to a bag or piece of luggage, each packed with unique contents.  In this case, each part of the bag deserves regular airing.  My point is that personal fulfillment requires attention to every necessary part of a personality.  Neglecting part of oneself results in dissatisfaction–a feeling that something isn’t quite right.  So now that I have the algebra equation or pie chart firmly planted in my skull, my analytical self is somewhat satisfied.  However, if I bludgeon the pie chart to smithereens by attempting to attribute a numeric proportion to the parts of my personality, my insanely overanalytical inner clown will rejoice.

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~ by rebuildingholly on June 20, 2012.

4 Responses to “The Week of Slacking Dangerously”

  1. There is only so long you can vacuumpack whole swathes of yourself – at some point they will jump up and out of their containment. It doesn’t necessarily mean turning your whole life upside down, but, as you say, it does mean regular airing of all aspects of your personality. I hope you find a rhythm or an outlet that works for you!

    • Thank you. I think the problem lies mostly in my being just a poor fit for the corporate life. It IS a fairly good place, and I whine more than I should. I just tend to justify and plan to death first, but I am truly on the move.

  2. I have to admit my Big Corp. is awesome..I do have to take mental vacations throughout the day or else the monotony would drive me over the edge..considering I had never worked in this field before, I am fortunate o be here..Come work with us 🙂

    • I wish I could come there and give it a try…whatever it is! However, I simply need to try something more independent, with a smaller crowd. The rest of my life is good, so I’m working on the vocation. What does your Big Corp do, or what do you do on your job?

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