I’m not.  Bipolar, that is.  I’m pretty much stuck on one pole: ridiculous.

Today, however, was the day for my performance review at the qorporation.  One woman in our department dubbed them “bipolar reviews” in reference to the fact that the employee also reviews the company (sorta) during the process.  I think the inference is pretty clear, though…

Strangely enough, my bipolar was glowing.  So I worked my butt off the past few months studying to get out of there, but I did find that education stimulated my mind and might have helped my job performance.  It always seems to work that way.  If I think I’m doing a good job, I am berated.  If I’m uncertain and miserable, then I’m doing just great.  I sense some danger here in two ways.  For one, it seems as if people are kept at a certain level of misery in my department.  The infirm or the grieving (or those who are downright obnoxious and impossible to get along with)—and who usually aren’t really effective on their jobs, by the way—earn promotions.  (Hurray!  Let’s toss you a bone, you poster child of suffering!)  Maybe my tiredness and state of overwork were beneficial.  The second danger is more spiritual…I’ve never come to a conclusion on the devil concept, but I suspect that if a devil wanted to prevent a person from moving forward, it would lure the person into complacency with a device called “comfort.”  I need to remain a little uncomfortable in order to move on to something more suitable, I guess.  That’s a very odd thought.  Again, I’m not totally miserable in the qorporation (by the way, check my glossary for that word!), but neither do I feel quite alive or quite like me.

I’m going out to pull some weeds for a while and stew on the oracle of Delphi, who said, “Know thyself.”  And of course, the sequel to that has to be “Be true to thyself.”  I’m trying!


inhaling the fumes was REALLY important to the oracle…


~ by rebuildingholly on May 30, 2012.

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