Heart Scattered, 30,000 Feet

Traveling is one of my addictions.  Another is mangoes.  I eat mangoes more often than I travel.  However, for the last week, I was able to indulge in the first and fly to the East Coast to visit with my daughter for a few days.  It was, of course, wonderful.  We walked around Boston, bought cheap jewelry at So Good (love that shiny place), browsed through old cemeteries where we learned that skull designs are not for hipsters only, discovered what cannolis really are at Mike’s Pastries, and appreciated the irony of buying Megamillions tickets across the street from Harvard while poor people shook cups to collect change outside the door.  We pondered wealth while peeking at the mansions in Newport, too cheap to even tour them (the Cliff Walk suits me just fine, thank you).  We briefly felt sorry for the lobsters who wielded their banded claws, sorta pretty but a little scary, headed for a hot death that was too painful to consider for long.  We followed our guts at every turn, and found ourselves on a rainy day having outrun the rain while the sun was breaking through clouds to shine on a beach at the Cape Cod National Seashore.  It was deserted, serene, and pastel, and it left me with peace I can draw on for weeks to come.  One of the best rewards of following my gut plus taking advantage of modern technology was meeting up with an old college friend.  I’d posted one short line on Facebook about my travels, and she, a resident of Maine, asked if I’d be in Boston any time during the week.  Voila!  A miracle was born!

I’m usually one to hesitate on such meetings.  Hey, it had been only 28 years since I’d seen the woman.  I was sure the reunion would have its awkward moments.  While I was off having babies, she was off becoming a successful audiologist, even landing a spot on a magazine cover in the field.  There were sure to be substantial differences between us!  However, as soon as I spotted her (texting me outside Quincy Market), I knew she was the same sweet friend I’d left in Wyoming in college, simply much more refined (and much more fulfilled than I, careerwise).  Tears and conversation flowed.  It’s heartening to know that a person can keep a good heart and be successful in modern life.  I see it so rarely (the bitch vibe seems to be a standard requirement in the corporate world), and I’ve also seen a lot of old friends change so much that I hardly know them anymore.  It’s as if their souls were sucked out and all that’s left are some hollow affectations–not to generalize too much, but a lot of these friends are now lawyers.  (I’m sure some of you lawyers must still have souls…)  In any case, here I am with the laptop at 30,000 feet (my favorite view for pensiveness), looking back so fondly at that reunion with my friend.  Following my gut and blurting YESSSS to an invitation is often the best thing a person can do.

But on the flip side of this 30,000-feet situation are the tears of good-bye.  Every time I leave my daughter, I wave good-bye to my heart.  However, there is another piece of my heart in the Land of Cheese (my son), another with my father just south of there, another with my husband (who is sitting beside me), and then there is that missing piece of my heart that really, really wants to do something useful with her life and her talents, and is really, terribly lost about that whole ordeal.  I keep praying for God to toss me a bone here.  You’d think from this perspective, I’d figure it out, but that’s just not happening…Not yet.

Following your heart can lead to big rewards.


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~ by rebuildingholly on April 3, 2012.

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